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BLACK PEARLS UNITED INC. & W.O.M.B. (Women Of Many Blessings) Our Online Newsletter JEWEL NEWS LETTING GO OF THE MAKE - DO WOMAN INSPIRATION FOR THE DAY The most delightful surprise in life is to suddenly recognize your own worth . -- Maxwell Maltz, Surgeon and writer The Make-Do Woman "When I was preparing to get married, I started getting all sorts of advice especially at bridal showers and things like that from family and friends. But one of the most interesting "lessons" came from a woman I met for the first time, just a few weeks before the big day. She said, "Honey, whatever you do, don't ever let yourself become a "make-do" woman" I had no idea what she meant, but, of course, she was about to explain. She continued: "men" don't deny themselves anything. Whatever they want to buy, they buy. Whatever they want to do, they do. Meanwhile, there is the wife, making do with her hair not being done, her clothes from yesteryear, her nails in need, never had a pedicure, scraping the bottom of her tube of lipstick! Oh, I could go on and on with how "we" make do. And why? Because the car needs fixing, this bill is behind, we have to use our time to take care of this, or take care of that; we're saving for this, working, cooking, cleaning, raising, etc." She warned me to never become a make-do woman, because she says if you start, it is hard to stop and one could easily find themselves making-do for the rest of their lives. I vowed it would never happen to me. I didn't think much more of the conversation until one day, I began to take notice, she was right. Men are a lot better at being good to themselves. Some call it being selfish, there has to be another word for it. Tell me if you know. Whatever you call it, it does have it's place. When they want to play ball, or golf, or fish, they go! When they want to buy clothes, or equipment, or video games, or whatever their "thing" is, they buy! Have you ever tried to stop one? Has anyone ever been able to stop one? Let me know! When I look around, I see a whole heap of make-do women, married or not, with or without children, they are all over the place! I have decided that I am going to make my best effort to become a "make-time" woman! I will make the time to do what I need to do to be good to myself, whether that's a trip to the salon, or the gym or the mall. This time I'm gonna take a lesson from the guys! All right ladies, single and married... Let's NOT be "MAKE-DO" Women! Let's LOVE OURSELVES and ENCOURAGE each other! ... Pass it on! It's something we could all appreciate." Becoming A Woman Of CHANGE Part (A) Ask For What You Want excerpts from Mrs. Valorie Burton http://www.valorieburton.com Sometimes learning to settle is learned behavior. However it is never too late to rid ourselves of habits, people, or things that don’t complement our spirits Sometimes we feel violated by another person’s behavior or comments. There are times perhaps when we become dissatisfied in our careers- yet day-to-day we make-do with the situation because we don’t know how to change it. Here are a few suggestions. 5 Steps to Ask for What You Want Is there a conversation you are procrastinating to have? Perhaps there is a someone in your life – a neighbor, boss, friend or family member – who has crossed a boundary and you would like to bring up the topic, but aren’t quite sure how to do it without making the situation worse. Maybe it is new business you want to ask for or a raise. Or it could be a difficult topic that needs to be raised with your spouse or significant other. Asking for what you want is a powerful skill, but if you don’t practice it, you will find yourself regularly frustrated with people or the circumstances of your life. These are questions I also share in Chapter 30 of my book, What's Really Holding You Back? 1. WHAT DO I WANT TO HAPPEN AS A RESULT OF THE CONVERSATION? Envision, clearly and specifically, the desired outcome of your conversation. What result are you seeking? Do you want a raise? How much more do you feel is reasonable? What amount would you be willing to settle for? Do you want the other person or both of you to take some specific action? Be sure you know exactly what you want accomplished and when. Do you desire to better understand where they are coming from? Do you want to put an end to a specific behavior or situation? Know precisely what it is that you want to accomplish and guide the conversation toward that specific course of action. 2. WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MESSAGE I WANT TO COMMUNICATE? In most situations, you’ll need to explain the “why” behind your request. Why is your request for a raise reasonable? Why do you want the other person to change a specific behavior or take a particular action? But restrict your reasons to only the most important factors. The more succinctly you can explain your points, the more likely it is that you will reach a successful outcome. Resist the temptation to bring up secondary issues that aren’t truly essential or relevant to what you are trying to communicate. Otherwise, the other person may be distracted by your “rabbit trails” and the conversation may never get back on track— leaving you frustrated and unsuccessful in your bid for change. 3. AM I FOCUSED ON CONTENT OR EMOTION? Any issue of importance to us will naturally involve strong feelings. If you are seeking a raise, it’s possible that the topic has been on your mind for a long time. Perhaps you have some frustration about how hard you work and feel that your compensation is not fair or adequate. However, emotional communication is usually counterproductive. If you allow the frustration of your emotions to enter the conversation, you will likely sabotage the success of the conversation. Practice speaking in a neutral tone so that you build bridges for open communication rather than building walls that will make the other person defensive. Stay focused on the content and facts that support your request. Similarly, when you’re seeking for help from someone who would make a great member of your personal team, it’s certainly appropriate to let your enthusiasm for your vision shine through. But remember to be clear about what you want through the content of the conversation. 4. WHAT IS THE RIGHT TIME AND PLACE? Be sure you choose the optimal time and place for your conversation. If it is a professional matter, schedule a meeting with the appropriate person but be sensitive to their other obligations and appointments. When you need to approach a loved one to ask for a change in behavior or to discuss a topic about which he or she may be touchy, do so when the atmosphere is neutral. Refrain from raising important issues during an argument, when your loved one has had a challenging day, or any time emotions are running high. Attempting a serious conversation with your spouse or family member during his or her favorite television program might not be the best plan either. Select a time when you both are in the right frame of mind and free of distractions. 5. WHAT IS THE OTHER PERSON’S PERSPECTIVE? You may feel passionately about what you want, but be sure to consider the other person’s wants and needs as well. During the course of the conversation, ask for feedback. Be sure to listen rather than plowing ahead with your agenda. Ask questions to be sure you understand the other person’s thinking. Try to remain open to alternative suggestions, but don’t lose sight of your goal as identified in question number 1. Once you understand the other person’s perspective, use that information to settle on a mutually agreed outcome and bring closure to the conversation. Warm wishes, Valorie PART (B) Taking Risks Of course anytime we seek a change or let go of situations that we have settled for, sometimes these new actions feel more like risks instead of positive investments. Here are some suggestions for taking more calculated, limited risks: Have confidence. Taking risks has to do with having confidence - knowing that no matter what the outcome, you will be fine. Desire greatness. You may live a fine life full of security, but is that all you really want? Do your homework. Get all the facts to minimize the risk. The more you know, the less risky a situation becomes. Information allows you to walk away from situations that are too risky and gives you the confidence to take more calculated risks. Ask yourself, what's the worst that can happen? Put things in perspective. Start small. Risk does not have to be an all or nothing situation. For example, one does not have to quit one's current job to start a side business. This can be done on a small scale, say one hour a day. Have a backup plan. What if the chance you take does not turn out in your favor? Minimize the risk by having a backup plan. Do you want to spend your life going around in circles, or do you want the excitement and thrill of positive change? Each of us is capable of so much more than we actually do. It is those who take the risks in life, seek change and make time for their purpose in life that realize their full potential. Some above content are excerpts from: Year To Success By Bo Bennett “You Only Ever Regret In Life The Risks You Never Take..” -- Anon PART ( C ) Letting Go: De-Cluttering Your Life By Kathy Paauw Here’s my definition of clutter: anything you own, possess, or do that does not enhance your life on a regular basis. If you agree with my definition, then you acknowledge that clutter goes far beyond things in our physical environment. Although the focus of this article is on physical clutter, remember that clutter can also include activities, thoughts, or even people in your present life… something to think about! Complicating the de-cluttering process is all the emotional baggage attached to a person’s “stuff How much time and money are you spending NOW to maintain what you have? Are you spending money to store things you never or rarely use? Have you moved into a larger home or office, only to fill the extra space with more stuff, thus requiring a move to yet a larger space? Imagine what it costs in time and money to do this! Is it worth the investment? How much does your clutter cost in peace of mind or missed opportunities? Imagine what it would be like to reduce your stress level. Imagine what you could do with the time, energy, and space your clutter is currently taking up! Whatever it is, it’s zapping your precious time, energy, thoughts, and space…and it doesn’t have to. There’s no time like the present to let go of those things that no longer serve you to hold on to. PART (D) Trust Your Divine Nudges 1. DO NOT IGNORE YOUR NUDGES. Conventional wisdom discounts Spiritual intelligence. It suggests you make decisions solely on what you see. But intellectual considerations should not outweigh what you sense in your spirit. Choose to walk by faith and not just by sight. 2. LET GO OF NEEDING TO UNDERSTAND YOUR NUDGES. You will often not know where a nudge will lead you. Your job is simply to follow it. Embrace it and be grateful for it. Refuse to spend your time attempting to analyze and predict the outcome of the things that your creator reveals to you. You cannot see the big picture, but He can. 3. YOU'VE GOT TO BE QUIET. Is your life noisy with drama, confusion, anger, distractions or even an overloaded schedule? Is the television always on? Are people always around? Take time to be quiet. Create a peaceful environment. Your creator may be trying to speak to you. Make sure your life is not too noisy for you to hear. 4. DO NOT SEEK OTHERS' OPINIONS ABOUT YOUR NUDGES. When you doubt your inner voice, it is tempting to get someone else's opinion about it. But divine nudges are personal and others simply may not understand what you know to be true for you. Trust yourself and take action based on what you hear. My challenge to you: Pay attention to that still, small voice. Muster up the courage to follow it. excerpts from Mrs. Valorie Burton http://www.valorieburton.com ONE MOMENT IN TIME BY WHITNEY HOUSTON Each day I live I want to be A day to give The best of me I'm only one But not alone My finest day Is yet unknown I broke my heart Fought every gain To taste the sweet I face the pain I rise and fall Yet through it all This much remains I want one moment in time When I'm more than I thought I could be When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away And the answers are all up to me Give me one moment in time When I'm racing with destiny Then in that one moment of time I will feel I will feel eternity I've lived to be The very best I want it all No time for less I've laid the plans Now lay the chance Here in my hands Give me one moment in time When I'm more than I thought I could be When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away And the answers are all up to me Give me one moment in time When I'm racing with destiny Then in that one moment of time I will feel I will feel eternity You're a winner for a lifetime If you seize that one moment in time Make it shine Give me one moment in time When I'm more than I thought I could be When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away And the answers are all up to me Give me one moment in time When I'm racing with destiny Then in that one moment of time I will be I will be I will be free I will be I will be free From B.P.U's President My sister-friends, There is truly strength in numbers. For this reason and more, women need to continuously pull together and pool together their gifts and talents. We are all created fiercely with different divine-given gifts. Why sabotage our growth and calling as she-roes by keeping to ourselves? Sisterhood is a wonderful experience. Make positive connections and do your part to make them long-term. Remember, in order to have quality people in your life, you must be a quality person. Be another sister’s keeper. Be a trusting and loyal friend, and teach our children to do the same. Continue to make necessary and positive changes in your life, and seek others that do the same. Seize Your Moment In Time Connect with your support systems and allow yourself to be apart of the umbilical cord of feminine greatness. From The Heart, Mrs. Sarah Rachel Berry |
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