| REGAL
I remember asking Robert, about four months into our budding relationship and the peaking of my sexual frustration, if we weren’t making love because of my size. At that time I was wearing a size eighteen and two hundred and counting, I-ain’t-feeling-sexy pounds. It was a Saturday night, we were walking slowly coming out of the AMC Theaters, just having seen “How Stella Got Her Groove Back.” My hormones were kicking and I wanted desperately to spend the night at Robert’s house. Robert’s kisses had always left me wet and wanting and I felt it was time to get busy and see just exactly what this older guy could whip on me. I decided to ask him a question I could no longer suppress. I tightened my fingers around his warm thick hand and pulled him in closer to my side. His eyes met mine. “I know Angela Basset’s dress size is probably my shoe size, but us fat women can get busy too, or don’t we turn you on?” “ Whoa!” Robert said, smiling handsomely. “ Where did that come from? That young buck Taye Diggs get you all worked up tonight?” “ No boobie. It’s all about you. You and me.” I winked. “Robert I’ve never spent the night at your house or you mine. If I didn’t trust you, and you know I do,” I searched his face, “ I’d think someone else was getting mine.” Robert stopped in the middle of the parking lot. We were just under a light post and I could see the seriousness that crossed his face. He cupped my hands in his and inhaled deeply before replying. “Regal do you love me?” He peered straight into my eyes. His eyes were dancing. I was a bit stunned by the question. “I…I…adore you Robert but…” “But you don’t love me,” he finished. Roberts continuing gaze made me feel uncomfortable. “ How can we make love Regal, if you don’t love me?” Robert pushed my hair away from my neck and stroked my left ear gently with his hand. “ Regal, do I not give you plenty of attention…affection even?” “Yes…of course.” “Then why is our not sleeping together causing you to doubt my feelings or attraction for you? You wouldn’t be confusing sex with love, now would you?” Lord, where are those witty words when you really need them? My mouth went desert dry and empty. All I could do at that moment was sigh. People walked by looking at us. Suddenly I wasn’t as horny as I had been a moment ago. Something inside me said Robert didn’t approve of me thinking I needed to offer myself to him to keep our relationship. It felt different, but I was honored. I prayed he wasn’t disappointed in me. He continued. “I thought you expressed to me lady, you wanted more from us than just sex. You wanted this to be different. I know I do.” Deep, I thought. “Me too.” I managed to whisper. “Well then, I guess we’ll just have to wait until your feelings catch up with mine then, ok?” He smiled warmly. “ I mean what’s the rush? I’m not going anywhere, are you?” Robert pointed at me and before I could answer he had pulled me into his arms and kissed me long and hard. His warm lips covered mine, his tongue was searching and thrusting within my mouth. Our breath caught each other’s rhythm. Long beautiful moments went by. The kiss said, hurry up and catch up, or don’t complain. Robert was being the respectable man I had been waiting for all my life—someone who didn’t mind wining me and dining me without wanting more than a passionate kiss in return—someone who wanted more than just to ride my big beautiful body—someone who wanted more than just to shove his empty head between my size 40D cup breasts, screw me like a man just out of prison, roll over, fall asleep and shortly before morning get up and leave, sometimes without saying goodbye or ever calling again. No, Robert was a real man and demanding me to be a real woman, sincere and giving, but excepting nothing and no one short of being ready for and about a real relationship. I was getting what I had been praying for and still complaining. Still buggin’. The tape deck clicked on as soon as Robert’s car started. The wine colored Jaguar hummed under Robert’s heavy foot. I could tell our conversation now had Robert a bit sexually frustrated too. ‘K C and Jo Jo’s husky voices stimulated my mind and vagina—but I knew that, that was all the stimulating I was getting for the night. “ Tell Me It’s Real…The Feelings That We Feel…” The song stroked it’s magic. Robert remained quiet, his eyes never left the road. I let my seat back, closed my eyes, squeezed my throbbing pelvis a few times as it thumped like a heartbeat for attention and listened to the music as it sexed me all the way home. Humph, sometimes love and the need for lovin’ will make a sistah’ do some serious buggin’ too! |
 |
 |
| Chapter Two |
 |